Photography Exhibit: Reconciling Absence and Affection in the Filipino Diaspora

by Jantzen Loza

Artist Statement

“Ako Ay May Lobo” (translated, I have a balloon) is a Filipino children’s folk song about a child who chooses a balloon over a meal, only for the balloon to pop, leaving them with neither. In a homonymous poem written by my older brother, Franz, he uses this title as an analogy for the decision many Filipino families make to leave their homeland for “better opportunities” abroad. In an unknowable future, who is to say that such a decision was made for the better?

My own family has lived out the complex reality of that decision. I was born half a world away from my father and three older siblings. My mother’s plan had been to come to the United States and set aside enough money for the rest of her family to join her. Instead, I grew up without knowing my father, and my siblings moved to the United States before my seventh birthday. I met my father after I turned 22.

Ramon “Mohn” Loza was a pediatric nurse for the Philippine government, dedicating his life to caring for the discarded and unloved. In grief and resilience, he redistributed the care and protection meant for his own children toward his young patients.

During my first visit to the Philippines, I discovered my own unspoken grief surfacing while observing him at work. As a child, I wasn’t able to receive his loving touch or hear his tender voice. Watching him care for these children, I envied how freely his affection was given. 

Looking back on this experience, I’ve realized that even with our separation, he has passed down to me his view of the world, his way of compassion, his ability to extend hospitality to the least of these. Despite miles and years apart, I still want to be my father’s son.

In memory of Ramon “Mohn” Loza (1957-2020)

Artist Bio

Jantzen Loza is a Filipino-American creative professional based in Evanston, IL, who specializes in digital design and photography.

In 2008, Jantzen traveled to the Philippines to meet his biological father, Ramon “Mohn” Loza, for the first time as an adult. During his visit, he was invited to join his father on an overnight shift at the government-run orphanage where he worked, and to a foster care facility for street children living in poverty. This work is offered as a glimpse into his father’s life as a nurse.