A Letter to First-Generation FilAm Youth
By Anonymous
Anonymous was born in Chicago to Filipino immigrant parents. She now lives in the Southwestern U.S. and is a mother of two first-generation FilAm children.
Dear Mga Anak,
We can’t imagine how it must be to grow up FilAm today! It was confusing enough for us, your parents. We either came to the U.S. from the Philippines with Lolo and Lola as small children or we were born in the U.S. to immigrant parents. Expectations were high—we didn’t keep up with the Joneses…we were expected to surpass the Joneses…in everything: academics, music, dance, sports, college, and career.
After all, that’s what Lolo and Lola came here for—brighter futures and the best opportunities for us. Whether we were Filipino or American in any given moment depended on the circumstances and who we were with. We often felt like we were one or the other, because what could it possibly mean to be both at the same time? We had no one to model that for us. In America, we weren’t American enough. Though most of us “did naht hahb an aksent”, we looked “Chinese.” In the Philippines, we weren’t Filipino enough. Though we looked Filipino, we could only understand Tagalog and speak “Taglish.” Talk about feeling uncomfortable in our own skin…it was like going through lifelong puberty!
For better or for worse, we figured it out as we went along…we learned to greet our lolos, lolas, titos, and titas with “mano po” and to answer our parents with “po” and “opo” (even though we were embarrassed to do so in front of our “American” friends). We answered the house phone, “Good evening, [family name] residence,” and had pancit, lumpia, leche flan, pizza, hot dogs, and chips at birthday parties so our “American” friends and relatives all had something to eat.
We had turkey and lechon at Thanksgiving. Some of us were lucky enough to learn Tagalog because we were taught to speak it when we were young…but most of us weren’t and only grew to understand bits and pieces of the conversations around us. After all, our parents spoke and understood English and being in America, dapat mag-English tayo!
Some of us grew up around other Filipino families so we were lucky enough to learn about our culture from other families too. Some of us were the only Filipinos in our neighborhood, or even in our community, so we adapted quickly to the mannerisms and practices of our non-Filipino friends and neighbors. For us, one of the hardest struggles was to understand our Filipino-American identities as we got older. Finding other young adults like us, born and raised in the U.S., was not always easy, depending on where we lived. Although we did not grow up in the Philippines, our parents did a pretty good job of still living like we were there—from parties to discipline, to church and holiday celebrations. For that, we are thankful.
As for you, we see how you struggle to understand at a much younger age why you don’t understand Tagalog; why you don’t fully know what it’s like to celebrate “the Filipino” way; why you don’t know how to cook Filipino food or even know what half the dishes are! Some of you even question whether your parents are really Filipino and can’t understand why your lolo and lola speak Tagalog, but your parents don’t.
You learn about Filipino accents, mannerisms, cooking, and traditions from social media more than you do from your own parents or your own life experience. You might know just as much or less than we do about Filipino history and the history of Filipinos in America. Believe it or not, we, your parents, are now struggling with the question: What does it mean to be a Filipino American parent? Still, we have no one to model this for us. We are still figuring out as we go along, for better or for worse!
So we invite you, mga anak…let’s learn together what it means to be Filipino in America; what it means to be Filipino American; and what it could look like to the second, third, fourth, and future generations of us.
Let’s create our own culture where learning and storytelling become the building blocks of our identities as Americans of Filipino ancestry. Let’s not blame, criticize, expect, or judge. Let’s ask questions and let’s enjoy this unique experience of being Filipino in America, enjoying the best of both worlds and tackling the struggles that both worlds bring as well.
Love,
Your most loving FilAm parents.
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